Genesis 1: 27-28: So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.”
Women were created by God, to help rule and subdue the earth, and she was given the feminine touch with which to do it. When a woman is Godly, her femininity is bridled and useable to God. It is not harsh, nor is it loud and crass. She is to work along side her husband, neither to dominate him, nor to be dominated by him.
There is a certain type of goldfish which grows to fit the container in which it lives. Whether a fishbowl, where it is small, a backyard fish pond, bigger, or a regular sized pond, bigger still. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? I’ve found in many years of marriage counseling that husbands do something similar. They tend to rise to the expectations of their wives, or fall to the depth of their nagging, or belittling.
A man’s safe place, or place of most torment can be in the presence of his wife. We have been given a gift from God to be the support and helper our husbands need.
When my husband and I first married, I thought I could fix him and make him so much better. He was an alcoholic. Only God can fix something like that. My arguing with him didn’t help one bit. Then we got saved. Not only did he get immediate deliverance from alcohol, but God worked on me too. We read Proverbs as a family, and I would cringe at a verse like this one:
Proverbs 21: 9: “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”
As we read verses like that in front of our kids and other family members, I became convicted. I knew I was a nagging screamer and I felt ashamed. As the years passed and we got the living word of God within us, we began to strive to be more Christlike in our actions and words. It was mostly words we struggled with, and seemingly me more than my husband. We used to fight all night long, tearing each other apart, yet knowing we had lived in darkness before we met.
Last summer, he and I spent most of our free time in our little sports car with the top down, riding in the mountains and other places. Having lunch when you could find a place open, and meeting friends in places like Deep Creek Lake and other great spots. While riding, we heard an old Eagles song on the radio called, I Can’t Tell You Why. It opens with these words, “Look at us baby, up all night, tearing our love apart. Aren’t we the same two people who lived through years in the dark?” We would hold hands and smile knowing that was once us, but no longer.
We stopped our foolish lifestyle of trying to change one another and just let God have it. When we did our life became secure, peaceful and full of love. We tried our best to uphold one another. I backed my husband in his railroad job and his ministry. He never ceased at trying to get me out there speaking when I felt I couldn’t. No yelling, no hurtful words, just loving support. This is how your life needs to be. It’s the stuff good marriages are made of. Perfect marriages? No! Haven’t seen one yet. But, good solid, relationships that are a foundation and a legacy for your children and your children’s children.
You are the safety net that your kids will trust in throughout their lives. Don’t let the net tear. Keep it mended and strong. Encourage that man to go for his dreams and goals. Help him begin to grow to fit the pond. I recommend the book, 5 LOVE LANGUAGES, by Gary Chapman. It will help you learn what your partner needs most from you and show him what you need as well. Also, read your Bible together daily, start now, even if it’s just a chapter a day. We need strong families in the day we are living, and ladies, it starts with us. Until next time!
Paula is available to teach on this subject at your women’s or church group. You can reach her at 304-677-9220.